The Pebbles You Throw in Your Relationship
It’s not always the big, dramatic arguments that pull us apart. It’s the small moments—the “That’s not what happened” or “You’re overreacting”—that, over time, create distance. Each comment may seem harmless, but they chip away at trust in ways you might not notice right away. We’ve all been there—caught in the middle of a conversation where you brush off your partner’s thoughts or emotions. Maybe you say it, maybe you don’t, but deep down, you feel like your version of the truth is somehow more valid.
It's Always the Little Things
Every time we dismiss our partner’s feelings, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we create a tiny crack in the relationship. And these little moments add up over time. Every small dismissal adds a little more space and distance between you and your partner. A comment here, a minimized feeling there—eventually, partners start wondering if they’re with someone they can truly trust.
Planting the Seed of Doubt
A simple “That’s not what happened” or “I didn’t do anything to upset you” might feel like nothing, but it’s the beginning of a huge avalanche! While you think you’re “correcting your partner’s misconception,” what happens is not that they doubt their truth; rather, they start doubting the relationship. They start doubting YOU! Are YOU someone they can trust with their emotions?
The Ripple Effect of Dismissing
When trust comes down crashing, so much crumbles afterwards. Gradually – and subtly – the relationship becomes more of a battleground instead of a safe space. The entire relationship dynamic shifts. The person who was once a place of safety and comfort is now a source of tension, pain, and negativity. Defensiveness creeps in and you both become constantly on guard. Conversations that brought support become dividing walls. And there goes the vicious cycle!
The Art of Connection and Validation
It doesn’t take much to repair the cracks—just a willingness to listen and validate your partner’s feelings. And again, it’s always about those little moments. With each moment of connection, trust deepens, and your relationship becomes more resilient.
Your Secret Weapon: Listening
You don’t have to agree with everything your partner says, but taking a moment to genuinely listen and acknowledge their perspective can work wonders. A simple “I hear you” can really shift the energy from disconnect to understanding. It doesn’t mean you agree, and it doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong. What it does mean is “I care.”
You’re Both Right!
We all love to win, but when it comes to relationships, winning is your lose-lose situation! You forget that you’re on the same team and focus on being right. You may end up winning the battle of the argument, but, in the end, you’re losing the war! You’re losing your relationship. Instead, remember that misunderstandings and disagreements can become the door to better understanding. And building that connection matters more than being right.
Speak Less; Listen More
Step 1: Switch gears. Instead of aiming to EXPLAIN, aim to UNDERSTAND. Listen to their story. Facts don’t matter here. Their subjective reality is what matters. Take notes and ask questions. Show that you do care and turly want them to feel heard, understood, and safe in the relationship.
Conclusion
You don’t need grand gestures to strengthen your relationship. It’s the little things—listening, validating, and showing up consistently—that make the biggest impact. Things went astray. That happens. All the time. You can redirect course and rebuild trust. But trust isn’t rebuilt overnight; it’s reinforced in those tiny little moments.
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